Monday, January 2, 2012

Top 40 Flop Songs Of 2011

A big part of what goes on here on Flop Of The Pops is spotlighting new and upcoming artists, as well as underground and alternative talent which otherwise bleeps right under the mainstream radar. Given the infinity of “Top” this and “Best Of” that lists already around, there wasn't much point in me spending several hours to come up with something many others have already done. As such, the decision was made to be true to the blog’s name and spotlight only the very best FLOPS of 2011. Most of the songs featured made no dent on the Top 40 in either the US Billboard Hot 100 or the UK Singles charts – exceptions will be noted. Likewise, most of the artists aren’t well known by mainstream audiences, although in one or two cases it was impossible to exclude some choice floppage from A-list names. 

Commercial failure or non-success was not the only qualification for inclusion on the list; above all each and every track had to make for fantastic, delicious listening. My chief intention is that any open-minded music lover can play this list back and forth without skipping a single tune - hopefully making some choice discoveries along the way. Runners-up which didn't make the final cut include Hurts "Better Than Love" (discarded for being originally released in '10) and The Sound Of Arrow's "Magic" (first released as an EP back in '09) who would otherwise have made the list. So - while the label "flop" might not exactly be every artist's wet dream, I proudly present the very very best flops of the past year:


40. Best Mainstream Flop: Beyoncé - Run The World (Girls) 

What better way to open than with the biggest name on the list? Promoted by stellar show-stopping perfomances on Oprah's Final ShowBillboard Music Awards and X-Factor France, another feminist anthem courtesy of Beyoncé - "Run The World (Girls)" - burst onto the scene back in April. Unfortunately, the hype was short-lived and the track went onto flounder at radio, sell disappointingly and stall on the charts worldwide. A ridiculous amount of iTunes plays and a whole lot more of even more ridiculous impromptou dancefloor choreography later, the newfound club staple opens up our list.

39. Best Shockingly Amazing Lead Single Flop: Nicola Roberts - Beat Of My Drum

The parellel between these first two picks are manifold. Both singers originate from popular girl groups and both served up no-holds-barred banger as lead singles to their respective projects. Although the 'Pon De Floor' sample used (just for reference, of couse) in it's demo was removed prior to release, "Beat Of My Drum" is unmistakenably the more sophisticated, hipsterish British sister to "Girls". They're akin but worlds apart all at once; one could well argue 'Drum' draws more from the likes of Ting Tings  than it  ever could from Beyoncé and her ilk.  Fans from Nicola's Girls Aloud days revelled in seeing "Queen Ginge" the solo artist shape up to be everything they had fantasised and more. "Drum" paved the way for an equally fantastic debut album, which solidified Nicola's position as my very favourite debut artist of the year and earns it it's mention herein.

38.  Best Shock Flop: Katy B - Witches Brew

Released back in August as the fifth single from Katy B's hugely successful debut album "On A Mission", "Witches Brew" shocked us all by crashing in at #128 on the charts - following up three Top 10 and another #25 hit. It fared slightly better in Bulgaria, where it scraped into the Top 30. Edgy, mesmerizing, and lush, there is something distinctly what-original-Sugababes-would-have-been-making-in-2011 about it all. It's the hood take on Adele's "Someone Like You"; more triumphantly seductive than depressingly despondent.

37. Best Euro Flop (Female): Mylène Farmer - Lonely Lisa

Not a flop flop per se, but a flop in that it is largely unknown to Anglophone audiences. "Lonely Lisa" was Mylene's 12th chart-topper in her native France, and helped spur it's parent album "Bleu Noir" to sales in excess of 600,000 (decidedly huge anywhere these days, but particularly in France). Written by Farmer and set to music composed by RedOne, the track never saw release outside of France and Belgium. The sparkling, silver camel in the video alone is enough to merit the song's inclusion here.

36. Best Euro Flop (Male): Fabian Buch - Turn Off The Lights

Fabian Buch is yet to set any charts alight, which is a distinct shame - his talent certainly call for some success.  Both this song and video are reminiscent of Brandy's "Right Here (Departed)", from her botched comeback back in 2009 - a definite plus. (Although unfortunately Fabian is depicted as a mere man, not as some ethereal angelic being like B-rocka). It's very rare for a really good, convincing male Pop artist to come along, so they deserve to be cherished when they come along.

35. Best Squeaky Clean American Pop Flop: Shane Harper - I Know What I Know

Shane Harper is one of many well groomed, perfectly spoken, kid-friendly eternally happy smiley smiley Christian actor-cum-singers who get their start on the likes of Nickelodeon and Disney Channel (he's been on both). What separates Shane from the likes of Mitchel Musso, Corbin Bleu et al, are some seriously good tunes. No doubt much of this is down to the involvement of Adam Anders, best known for his work as musical producer of "Glee" and also responsible for the production on Shane's debut. "I Know What I Know" is an incredibly solid, sleek, well crafted Pop record that even the likes of male Pop A-listers Eric Saade and Frankmusik would be proud of. Not even the rap from Prophet (same guy featured on Hilary Duff's "Reach Out", I believe) dulls the song's Pop brilliance.

34. Best Janelle Monaéesque Flop: Willy Moon - I Wanna Be Your Man

Quite obviously one of the "to watch out for in 2012" crowd, Willy Moon is intriguing and unsettling all at once. Tall, lanky, racially ambiguous, there's something about this Willy right here (hehe) that is evocative of those highly charismatic suited American singers from circa mid last century. I think it's fair to say there's something very distinctive and interesting about Willy and Be Your Man - if there's any other similar guys making similar music with similar visual right now, I'm not aware of it, so whatevs. The song and video were one of those things which just kinda get bunged out and go viral in Pop-obsessed internet circles, without much impact outside of that [blogo]sphere, so here's hoping Willy will bring out more music in 2012 and live up to his early promise.

33. Best Moombahpop Flop: Nadia Oh - Taking Over The Dancefloor (Kate Middleton)

Nadia Oh is one of those pop insider things - you either get it or you don't. Mixing various genres (most notably moombahton and dance-pop) in her own unique little way, Nadia excells at crafting fun little ditties accompanied by simple YouTube mini-videos which are equal parts creepy and awesome, vacuous and enchanting. Nothing much happens, just lots of stareing, pouting, the occassional body shift or hint of a smile, set to her music, with lyrics below. There's also Extended Version of Nadia's biggest "hit" available (and definitely worth a listen), but it's the one and a half minute one that packs the harder punch.

32. Best Ruined-By-Shit-Music-Video Flop: Cher Lloyd feat. Mic Righteous, Dot Rotten & Ghetts

Say what you want about Cher Lloyd, how "real" or "road" or "hard" or "true" she is, but there's no denying there's at least *some* talent there. And as it turns out, that *some* is quite a lot, as is evidenced by her surprisingly solid debut EP. The obvious stand-out track is "Dub", a four-way collabo including underground MC's Mic Righteous, Dot Rotten and Ghetts (who have all been branded "sell-outs" for collaborating with so despicable an artist as Cher). Unfortunately the song's release was cancelled and it's music video - shot a good while back - was premiered unceremoniously on SB.TV. Other than Cher's styling (which is on point), the video is quite shoddy, so there is *some* silver lining on the cancelled release cloud. Still, a fantastic track perfectly showcasing both Cher and producer Toby Gad's ability to excell at genres other than sheeny Pop.

31. Best Short-Lived Group Line-Up B-Side Flop: Six D - 2 Seconds

Since then they've diminished by one member and one label deal. The future of Six D (or is that Five D now?) isn't exactly guaranteed right now, but back when this first debuted, I was not only certain they'd be the biggest thing since sliced bread Justin Bieber S Club 7  S Club Juniors, but absolutely smitten with the brazen sexually explicit lyrics of urban banger "2 Seconds". It's a testament to the ensemble's talent and the initial confidence in their future success that they got to shoot a video even for their buzz/B-side release. Both track and dancing go hard, so kudos to all involved.

30. Best Most-Likely-To-Appear-On-Lana-Del-Rey's-Ipod-Playlist Flop: Friends - I'm His Girl

This is one of those circular affairs where they're so unashamedly hipster in all they do that it becomes ironic and uber-cool and consequently perfectly hipster of them to be so. The Guardian put it best: "Friends are the latest in a long line of cool-looking bands from Brooklyn, boasting artfully dishevelled ennui and a ready-made blog following. What sets Friends apart, however, is that the songs are so good. There's a looseness and spontaneity to what they do, probably because they've only been together for about six months. It helps too that singer Samantha Urbani is utterly captivating, her voice an alluring mix of sweetness and spite." It's one of those songs which deserve to be used ad infinitum on cool teen series and hip music shows, hell, even Grey's Anatomy should listen up and send a check Samantha's way. Love it love it.

29. Best House Party Set List Flop: Sander Kleinenberg - T.I.O.N. (This Is Our Night)

Sander Kleinenberg is a Dutch DJ with a very long and prestigious underground dance world pedigree and curriculum. Most importantly [for us, that is], he's remixed the likes of Janet Jackson, Justin Timberlake, N*E*R*D*, Dev, Katy Perry and Daft Punk. "T.I.O.N" is one of numerous songs taken from one of numerous mixtapes and those playlist compilation multi-volumed releases DJ's do. There really isn't much to it - it's a bit like a mash-up of "Galvanize" and "#STUPiDFACEDD" sans rapping and a bit better to dance to than either. Well done Sander.

28. Best Stoner Flop: Aer - Feel I Bring

Cross Mike Posner with Jack Johnson and this is what you get. Sing-rap duo doing reggae-hip-hop who excites lots of bros and dudes to "yo this is dope yo" and "maaaan I am so baked right now" YouTube commentary. Their album "The Reach" has amassed over 45,000 downloads, they've had plenty of success on iTunes charts and shared the stage with Mac Miller, Shwayze and Cisco Adler, so thing are going well for Aer.

27. Best Alternative Flop (Sister-Duo): The Pierces - It Will Not Be Forgotten

Although it's unlikely they'll ever top the utter epicness of "Boring", sister duo The Pierces really are quite good, as is evidenced by "It Will Not Be Forgotten", a lush The Corrs-ish number accompanied by a fitting Narniaesque music video. It did absolutely nothing on radio or the charts and was the third single from their fourth studio album (which actually did quite well, going #4 on the UK Album charts without a hit single to make things so).

26. Best Alternative Flop (Non-Sister Duo): Alpines - Cocoon

Another awesome August release that did nothing on any charts (other than this one and other equally fantatic end of year lists from those with exceptional music taste). I'm not quite sure what the guy does (other than pout, smize and look intense) or even what the song's about, but my God, her hair. Her hair is the power, her hair is everything really. Ladies and gentleman, the female Samson of alt-Pop. Definitely could be used in some cunning yet phenomenal way in the likes of Skins and Misfits.

25. Best Alternative Flop (Female): Clare Maguire - The Last Dance

Unfortunately Clare Maguire's debut project didn't do as well as one would have hoped and she seems eager to move on as quickly as possible from it, not playing any of it's songs in her latest live gigs and such. Still, "Last Dance" is one of those irrefutably amazing anthemic, transcendental songs that come around every now and then. Just...ace. It's one of those ...those!...songs, which deserve to be cherished across generations and covered by various artists of various genres. Imagine Cher...imagine Ellie Goulding...imagine Beyoncé...imagine Chaka Khan...imagine Cheryl Cole...I want to see this stripped down, sexed up, club-readyfied, R&B'd, sampled for usage on Lil Wayne mixtapes and tacky Gucci Mane and T-Pain hip-auto-tune-hop tracks. It made it to #23 on the charts but that's nowhere near what it deserved enough.

24. Best Alternative Flop (Male): Penguin Prison - Don't Fuck With My Money 

Penguin Prison does funky electropopfunk like nobody's business. There's traces of Jamiroquai and Prince but Penguin - Chris, rather - is very much his own man. His beautiful vocal runs and...ugh, it's all so good. His whole album is very good. The brilliantly titled "Don't Fuck With My Money" comes with a black-and-white politically-charged music video that some American friends have called tacky, although I'm not quite sure why. (It's an American politics tea party blah blah blah ordeal, no1currs about that).

23. Best Fusion Flop: Travis Barker feat. Busta Rhymes, Lil Jon, Yelawolf & Twista - Let's Go

Best known as one third of Blink 182, Travis Barker has found a new niche for himself as the resident rock&roll man in the hip-hop community. Earlier this year he released his debut solo album, Give The Drumme Some, which despite debuting at #9 sold disappointingly. Seven music videos have been shot for various non-starter singles, of which "Let's Go" is a stand-out, thanks to rapid-fire verses from hip-hop royalty Busta Rhymes and Twista and newcomer Yelawolf (who I don't particularly care much for) and of course Lil Jon does his shouting and braid-shaking thing.

22. Best Atmospheric Flop: Yogi feat. Ayah Marar - Follow U

This is one of those songs that almost went on to becoming huge and then just kind of faltered and was forgotten about. Yogi is a up&coming UK producer, best known for producing Wretch 32's hit "Traktor". Ayah Marar is a drum'n'bass MC who shows a softer side on Yogi's "Follow U", which she graces with her haunting vocals. The Trolley Snatcha remix is also worth a listen.

21. Best Comeback-That-Never-Was Flop: DMX - Sucka For Love

DMX is a rap legend who's had as many glorious moments as he's had court cases. Apparently he also became a pastor , semi-retiring to study the Bible and record a gospel album, although you wouldn't tell any of that from Sucka. First performed during an increasingly rare period of liberty back in 2010, this winner of a track leaked earlier this year. No word on whether or not it'll feature on his upcoming comeback album, but whatever.

20. Best HOT-MESS.COM Flop: Brian McFadden - Just The Way You Are (Drunk At The Bar)

Glorification of date rape or not, adopted aussie Brian McFadden's "Just The Way You Are" features a banjo (A BANJO!), a pulsing electro beat, sordid details of his and Delta Goodrem's sex life (if subsequent explanatory interviews are to be believed) and a rap - that's right, Brian from Westlife has got bars bitch! Before being cancelled due to backlash from women's groups and such, the song actually got off to a nice start and opened at #49 on the Australian charts.

19. Best Booty Work Out Anthem Flop: Lady - Twerk

Together with other classy female empowerment anthems such as "Yankin'" (as in, her vagina be yankin' men in), "Twerk" solidified Lady's pole position as the most elegant contender in the female rap game. Interestingly, the aptly named Lady doesn't actually twerk at all in the accompanying music video.

18. Best UK Hip-Hop Flop: Clement Marfo & The Frontline feat. Ghetts - Overtime

Every now and then everything just aligns and things work. The sick beat, sicker flow, the fantastic's all there. The track is an anthem that deserves to be re-released sometime in 2012 when Clement Marfo & The Frontline become the biggest thing in UK Hip-Hop. Featured artist Chris Rock - oops, I mean Ghetts - brings it too, earning himself the distinction of being the only name to appear twice in this here list.

17. Best Chaka Khan'd Ambient UK R&B Flop:  

THE Chaka Khan thinks this is genius and so do I. It creeped up the UK chart, eventually landing at #17, but deserved to do far better. Amazing amazing amazing. No one puts it down like me! But ooh-ooh, your love's so cruel, you make me wanna go, go, go, go, go go oooh!

16. Best Summer Anthem Flop: Abi Phillips feat. Fugative - Summer Sunshine

Abi Phillips is a young actress on popular UK soap Hollyoaks. Her debut single "Summer Sunshine" featuring cutesy white boy rapper Fugative was supposed to be prominently featured on the show, but that didn't really happen. Fugative's career stalled (he eventually got dropped by his label) and the song didn't get the promotional push it deserved, but it's still a banger.

15. Best Ready-For-Widespread-Synching Flop: Princess Chelsea - The Cigarette Duet

At first it looks like they're not going to sing, but then they do. And when they do, it's very pleasant. If watching on YouTube, turn on the snow button, it's worth it. Please note whilst listening to this here track that in 2010 420 couples split due to cigarette-related problems, so this is some serious subject matter y'all.

14. Best Potentially Blasphemous Flop: White Lies - Holy Ghost

Sorry Gaga, you're going to have to sit this one out. Taken from album "Ritual", there really isn't much to discuss or debate about "Holy Ghost": it's a great song accompanied by a great music video. Everything is very well executed (both song and video) which endears fitties White Lies greatly to me - I like effort, originality, something truly interesting, instead of just ass and tits twerking and grinding all over my screen. Their Nicola Roberts' "Lucky Day" Remix is great too. "You were writhing on the floor like a moth in molasses/Who ever taught you to move your body like that?". Douze points for McVeigh & co.

13. Best Disturbing-Music-Video Flop: James Blake - Lindisfarne

Continually along this path of dark yet uplifting tunage, enter stage right James Blake. It's a shame his vocals are SO heavily processed - I mean, I get it, it's part of the whole thing, yadda yadda yadda, but he's actually got a nice voice and I think just a little less would have been so much more in this occassion. Still, a fantastic piece of music showcased perfectly by an unsettingly visual.

12. Best Mixed-Raced-Beauty Singer-Songwriter Flop: Nerina Pallot - Put Yours Hands Up

And now for something far more cheerful - Nerina Pallot's "Put Your Hands Up". Like the overwhelming majority of its peers in this here run-down of 2011 winners, a big part of this song's appeal is the on-point music video - a single shot that largely follows around yummy mummy Nerina crooning. You can tell she was told to "make love" to the camera, and boy did she. Win.

11.  Best Pop-Rap Crossover Flop: T Mills - Fuck Em (With My Vans On)

Mac Miller and all the other uppity white boy rappers thinking they're currently the shit need to pull up multiple high chairs and have a seat because it's all about that T Mills right now. "I mac a whore my nickname should be Apple Store." Amazing. This song is just crying out for a music video and now Mills is signed to a major, I'm here to demand one. Now.

10. Best Lifeblood-of-Gritty-Teen-Drama-Soundtracks Flop: The Naked & Famous - Punching In A Dream

The Naked & Famous excell at making, well, excellent music. Excellent music most likely to grace the soundtrack of gripping, gritty teen dramas like Skins and Misfits and so on. I understand they're doing pretty well for themselves down under and I think it's a travesty they're not doing better up here. The (is it Comic Sans?) at the beginning of this is absolutely unforgivable (ew ew ew make it go away), but otherwise excellent all around.

9. Best Sparkly Viking Flop: Oh Land - Rainbow

"You can make it click making me pop" sounds like a fantastic hook for some Polow Da Don urban pussypoppin' banger featuring Keri Hilson, Lil Wayne, T-Pain, DJ Khaled, Busta Rhymes and three or four other rappers. Maybe one day it'll get sampled by one of the above cited á la Lily Allen and make original singer Oh Land lots of cash. I'd like that, very much. Oh Land (real name Nanna Øland Fabricius) used to be a ballet dancer before an injury prematurely ended her career; the grace and delicate sensuality of the ballet permeates her musical output, of which "Rainbow" is a definite highlight. 

8. Best Hipster Faux-Cheap-Horror-Movie-Accompanied Flop: Frances Rose - Vampire

Original Dr Who could never. I don't really know much about this other than Frances Rose are a sister duo who served up this fantastic track & visual a while back.

7. Best Throwback Faux-Action-Movie-Accompanied Flop: Flight Facilities feat. Jess - Foreign Language

I must confess I was slightly disappointed Farrah Fawcett and Cheryl Ladd didn't suddenly pop up looking fierce, but otherwise an epic win courtesy of Flight Facilities. Both song and video are ingenious camp perfection without being kitschily overdone.

6. Best SensuaLatina Flop: Shakira feat. Pitbull - Rabiosa

The limited crossover success of lead single "Loca" in the US and it's cancelled release in the UK resulted in follow-up single "Rabiosa" only being released in select territories. Shakira is one of the most intelligent, most talented, most beautiful and most interesting women in pop. The merengue/hip-hop fusion track showcases Shaki and featured artist Pitbull at their most sensual. The gratuitous pole dancing in the music video is also most welcome.

5. Best Ye Olde Tudor-Tinged Floppe: Britney Spears - Criminal

It's besides me why the world was not here for Tudorney. One of her best music videos and singles to date. Unfortunately the track failed to replicate the huge success of the previous Femme Fatale singles, scraping into the lower rungs of the US Hot 100 and missing the UK Top 100 charts altogether.

4. Best Scandipop Flop: Robyn - Call Your Girlfriend

It's no secret Scandinavians make pop like nobody else can. If you head over to Google, you'll generally find that even your favourite US and UK hits have at least one Scandinavian behind them in some capacity or other. With her platinum blonde undercut and killer dance moves, Robyn is without a doubt the cream of the Scandipop crop; "Call Your Girlfriend" and it's iconic music video was a huge 2011 highlight.

3. Best Pop Flop (Group): Sugababes 4.0 - Freedom

The anthemic Freedom with it's bi-curious low budget music video was set to be the catapult that consecrated the new Sugababes line-up as the superior elder sisters to The Saturdays. Unfortunately, it became the first Sugababes single to be completely, entirely, utterly, shockingly, unwaveringly ignored by radio, leading to such dismal pre-orders that it's release was cancelled last minute and the song given away for free. The ordeal has lead the girls to take a brief hiatus with a solo single from Amelle and "Dancing On Ice" for Heidi being intended as stepping stones to a relaunch with a new single sometime in 2012. Despite being a terrible choice for lead single, it's a fantastic pop ditty with a pleasing dubstep breakdown, powerhouse diva vocals and on-point lyrics ("I wanna be nameless, for a little while" is my second personal favourite lyric of the year).

2. Best Pop Flop (Female): Marina And The Diamonds - Radioactive

I'm really not here for Marina's Electra Heart non-alter-ego alter-ego, archetypes, obsessed with Hollywood stuff. What matters is that lead single "Radioactive" is one of those moments of brilliance which happen oh so very rarely: it's more than things just lining up and working; it's fantastic, it's fabulous, it's perfect. This song resonates with the cray cray within - that is, the crazed former lover in the platinum blonde wig and bright red lipstick who shows up at your door simultaneously wanting to sex you up with some sticky and sweet jungle lovin' and/or butcher you into tiny little pieces easy to pack into the industrial freezer in the basement. "Baby, I'm gonna leave you drowning until you reach for my hand" is hands-down the best lyric of 2011.

1. Best Pop Flop (Male): Frankmusik - Cut Me Down

Frankmusik the musical entity may be no more, but there's no denying Vincent Frank's talent both as a lyricist and vocalist. The acoustic version of "Cut Me Down" from Frankmusik's sophomore LP is one of the most delicious things Vincent has ever served up (and he's served up quite a platter thus far). It's the perfect boyfriend answer song to Marina's Radioactive; channeling pure, raw emotion from start to finish without ever veeing into contrived or clichê territory. Amazing amazing amazing, love it love it love it.



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